The life,times, troubles, toils, and tribulations of Raymond.

 
"Ouch"

So yeah my leg hurts. I guess it is better I am just going to have to take the nurses word for it. Because I sure as heck never saw my Doctor. But, anyway lets digress and allow me to give you a blow by blow.

Wednesday night, I got no sleep. I wasn't so much nervous as just wanting to get it over with. This whole ankle thing has sort of imposed upon me a slacker lifestyle that I kind of hate. I feel like I am one of my bothers, when all I do is lie around and watch tv and eat. Now don't get me wrong lying around and doing nothing has its place and time, but I have just had alittle too much of it at the moment, I know this is kind of a vacation but not the kind of vacation I would of liked. I would of much rather gone somewhere with Amy and done something fun rather then catch up on all the television shows I have on the Moxi. Anywho, back to Wednesday night, once agian I get no sleep. Or I do sleep but i don't fall alseep until about 4am, only to wake up around 10 am to get ready for everything. I get up take a nice calm BM (Hard to do on crutches let me tell you) then a final shower. Around noon Ryan and I get going. I first run by a pharmacy to pick up some Vicodin for after the surgery, although it doesn't really work for me. Then I run by the bank to deposit my paycheck and get the payemtn for rent. Fianlly it is off to the Hospital.

We get there about an hour early at 2:15. But I figure I can get the paperwork done and just not have to rush anything. One of the not so nice htings about Kaiser is they never seem to tell you when you are going to have to pay for things. Such as the admission to the Hospital, I had no idea it was going to cost me $250. I didn't find this out unit the admissions lady told me. All I can say is I am glad I had enough in the bank or I guess I wouldn't of been having surgery. So now I am broke and with a broken leg. Good time.

Well after admitting fleeces me. I go to sit back down in the recpetion area. I am only there for maybe 10 minutes when a pre-op nurse comes and gets me. Off to behind the doors where I get to change of out my clothes into the assless gown. Which I might add was both humiating and liberating at the same time. I enjoyed the freeness off it all but maybe it ws because I was just lying on a bed. I don't think I am going to go wearing a kilt anytime soon. Not that I haven't thought about it.

Out of my clothes and into my assless gown, onto the bed. The nurse goes over some more questions. Are you Pregnent? (You have to be gettig some to get pregnent right?) Are you hungry? (I am a 225 lbs carnivore who has not eaten since 8pm last night what do you think?) Taking any recreational drugs? (Is PEZ considered a drug if you grind it up and sniff it?) And when was the last time you had a bowel movement? (I swear I was asked this one about 10 times before the surgery.) The nurse then starts an IV in my right hand which was nice, since I hadn't drank anythign all day and was quite thristy. I had to try hard not to laugh when she said "You may feel a little prick in your hand". I mean I knwo I am supposed to be above that, but come on, I am still a 6th grader at heart, that is why I would never be able to have dental surgery while awake. I wouldn't make it past the Dental Surgeon saying "Okay you are going to feel a little prick in your mouth". I wouldn't be able to stop myself from saying "Okay, but normally guys buy me a few drinks first." Yeah I know I am crude.

After the pre-op nurse asks me several useless questions, and gets me setup. Hey lets take away all dignity and have Ryan come in and see me in an assless gown, hairnet, and paper booties. Ryan comes in, stifles his laughing, and akwardly sits down next to me. We then procede to make small talk about the Dodgers, Disneyland, and other various things until it is time to go.

Finally, after about 30 more minutes the Anesthesiologist comes in and gives me the sedative to get things rolling. So Mission Control me are go for Operation Bionic Raymond. Next thing I am being rolled into the surgery room. Nice thing about the Hospital, it i snice and cold. Everyone was aksing me if I was too cold or if I needed more blankets. Hell, no, they obviously had no idea how warm my apartment was, mild hypothermia was a pleasant change of condition. I am wheel into the surgeyr suite. I then make the transition from the gurney to the operation table, and after that I don't really remember much, next thing I knew I was waking up. And I will give you that part of the story in my next post.
posted by Raymond at 12:42 AM