The life,times, troubles, toils, and tribulations of Raymond.

 
Yesterday, for fun, I went to a Physical Agility Test for the Garden Grove Police Department. That now rates pretty high up on my list of “Stupid Things Raymond Has Done.” Now, this was mainly stupid because I am very much out of shape. I know you would think the fast paced world of radio would give me a ripped body of a Greek god. Not quite the case, instead I am stuck with the mildly active Irish body of a guy who sits on his ass for hours at a time. So in going to this Physical Agility Test I just about induced a Myocardial Infarction on myself. Now I want to make it clear that I did pass the test……I actually did well on the first two thirds of the test. But by the last third of the test I was not in good form.

The Physical Agility Test consisted of three different portions, a 440 yard run, a dummy drag , and an obstacle course. I decided to start with the 440 yard run. I figured if there was anything that was going to kill me, it would be the quarter mile sprint. You are required to complete the 440 yards in 1:52. Yours truly finished in 1:19, of course I couldn’t feel my legs nor get them to move in rhythm by the time I finished the course. But alas, I finished, so there. Ah ha! I have conquered the quarter mile.

The second portion of the Physical Agility Exam was a drag of a 165 pound dummy 35 feet in 10.3 seconds. Now I really couldn’t feel my legs but I knew all I had to do was drag this dummy so I could grab ahold and start falling backwards. No real skill here. I was able to take care of it in less then 6 seconds.

Now I had breezed through my first two parts…of course my heart was about to explode but I had made it this far, and dammit I was going to finish it out. Now the obstacle course wasn’t to bad when you really look at it. But lets remember that the last time I did anything remotely athletic, I was playing a nancy game of touch football against a bunch of girls, and I wasn’t even good enough to cop a feel. So this course did have the potential to eat me up and spit me out. The first part of the course was a slalom where you just had to run back and forth between these boards. Doesn’t look bad from the outside but when you run it you realize that is about quadruples the distance you have to cover. Then there is the scaling of a 6 foot wall. You get three chances to scale it. Lets just say I was getting close to not making it but on that 3rd try I got over that sucker. After that you have to walk a balance beam. No problem for me. Then some belly bars, which are like hurdles that you have to swing your body over. I was able to handle these. Next, a four foot wall, not quite as daunting as its six foot brother. After the second wall climb you have to traverse some monkey bars. Now this I was able to handle but I really wonder how often in the pursuit of criminals does a peace officer need to climb monkey bars. Whatever. It maybe took me longer then I would of liked but I was able to handle them without falling on my ass. Finally we have to jump through a simulated window, I was tempted to dive through it, maybe break my neck and end it all, but I crawled my way through it and then finished the course with a short sprint.

This all has to be completed in 1:53. Yours truly finished it in 1:51. SO, all you slow assed criminals had better watch out. Cuz I will chase you across monkey bars and over 6 foot walls and then shoot you for making me do all that.

posted by Raymond at 2:35 PM